apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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