i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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