i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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