i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
