Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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