I just pynch a tree in the face
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
