just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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