The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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