how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
