He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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