Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
