Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
