I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
