i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
is wine microwaveable?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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