dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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