jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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