Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
