Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
