considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
