somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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