Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
His nipple licking is glorious
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