I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
