did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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