Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize