im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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