You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
