so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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