I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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