i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
