I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have fence marks all over my body
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
