We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
