so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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