He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize