Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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