If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
