11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
