please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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