Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
