i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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