Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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