i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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