She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
