Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
