is wine microwaveable?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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