Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
