A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
