my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
