My nipple is on Facebook.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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