Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
