Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
