Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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