Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize