I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
