is wine microwaveable?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
