I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
