do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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