I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
