nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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