The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
how drunk are you?
Several
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
