I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
