its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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