he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
