all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize