Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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