sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
