I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize