Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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