I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
