Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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