My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
