Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
