Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
