In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
