did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
