he was CRYING into my vagina
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
