The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
